Getting your message across with ease
Theory + Practice = Mastery
Nothing changes unless we do.
There is a danger in learning and accumulating information without taking action on it. We have to take action on the new things we’ve learned if we want to get better.
Communicating well is a skill, it can be built over time with careful practice and application.
As discussed in our previous two articles, communicating with skill allows us to move more quickly, increase accuracy and reduce the potential for error up front. Many times, it is the difference between success and failure.
(To refresh these concepts, head over to Part 1 and Part 2)
Welcome to the Communication Gym
Here are some communication exercise that you can follow today to start improving your skill in this area:
Communication and validation
Prioritize clarity and truth
Slow down to move fast
Journal
Confirmation and validation
Kids playing with walkie-talkies end each sentence with the phrase “do you copy?” But it’s not only child’s play, it’s a common practice in high stakes, life or death scenarios to confirm and ensure that the message got across.
It can be frustrating to communicate with a team member, and have to repeat the same things over and over. A simple solution is to ask them if they could repeat their understanding back.
Starting with the assumption that some part of the message is lost in the journey requires a follow up question to check what made it over to the other person.
It is the communicator’s job, to ensure alignment and this simple check helps teams adjust until they are on the same page.
Innovative projects, Highly skilled teams, Engaged remote culture.
Prioritize clarity and truth
There are times when saying what is true will cause an uncomfortable reaction. When we have to decide between causing someone to feel a negative reaction or saying what is true (with respect and clarity) always err on the side of truth.
This will require us to expand our capacity to be with discomfort. To let someone have their reaction and know it really doesn’t have anything to do with you - you are simply the messenger, but your message, if it is true and necessary for the success of the project, must be shared.
Have courage, say what needs to be said and always prioritize clarity and truth.
—> Quick tip for expanding your capacity to be with discomfort: Breathe.
I know it seems basic, but if you can do it while intentionally experiencing discomfort, you will begin to improve this skill.
Breathe while you stretch deeply and feel the discomfort in your muscles and ligaments.
Breathe slowly and calmly while holding a piece of ice in your hand.
Practice with a friend. Let them get angry in front of you and simply breathe and let them express anger without needing to soothe them or react back.
These are all practices that train your brain to slow down and stay present when discomfort is triggering you to react instead.
Slow down to move fast
“My mind is used to running a mile a minute and when I’m under pressure that serves me well, but sometimes I speak before I have had time to process and think.”
“I think about what I’m going to say over and over again, but I have a hard time getting it out because I’m a bit frozen making sure I say it the right way.”
These are two sides of the same coin.
On the one hand, speaking before we’ve thought through what we want to say can cause us to misspeak, present cloudy ideas and thoughts, or speak reactively rather than with intention.
On the other hand, over-thinking and striving to ensure something comes out just right can cause thoughts to back up or pass by. Our indecisiveness leads to under communicating or failure to communicate at all.
The remedy for both is slow down + focus.
I always ask my clients these three questions:
What do you want out of this interaction? (I want to make sure my team feels clear on the next project we need to accomplish)
If you could only say one thing to accomplish this, what would it be? (All tasks are detailed on the Jira board and checking there every morning is the most important routine to prioritize)
What are you trying to avoid? or What would get in the way of getting this message across? (If I go too deeply into the details they will become confused and my main point will be lost)
Slowing down gives us clarity and focus so we don’t have to become paralyzed in indecision or move too quickly.
Journal
The last exercise is to take some time to journal and brain dump. This doesn’t have to take a long time, I recommend 5 minutes at the beginning of the work day and 5 minutes at the end.
This practice trains your brain to organize it’s thoughts.
We have plenty of thoughts throughout the day. We are thinking all the time. But what is required for clear communication is the ability to organize those thoughts in a way that makes sense for someone else to understand. If you don’t know what to journal about, here are some prompts to get started:
Beginning of the day:
What are my top priorities today?
Who do I need to talk to? What would I like to say to them or what information do I need from them?
What am I nervous about today? What tasks feel the “heaviest”?
What do I want to avoid?
How would my best self show up for my tasks today?
End of the day:
What were the highlights of my day?
Where did I do my best work?
Where could I have improved?
What problem remained unsolved today?
Whose work did I make easier today? How did I make it easier for them?
Confirmation and validation, prioritizing clarity and truth, slowing down to speed up and organizing your thoughts are SKILL building exercises. They will strengthen your ability to communicate more effectively and they will even help you move through the world with greater clarity for YOURSELF.
Spending just a few minutes every day in the “Communication Gym” will sharpen your skills and allow you to find greater satisfaction in all of your relationships.