Thanks Akash, I agree with you - I find the things we tend to avoid are the very things we need to face to find the success and progress we are longing for.
What can I do to stop acting so quickly and react a certain way when a girl hurts me or crosses the boundaries we set. Ex I walked 20 miles on foot to hangout and she flaked on plans however I took a chance on her. In life I know to enjoy the walk regardless of the reason.
Reactions are apart of what it means to be human. Something happens that hurts us or disappoints us, we will react because we are alive. You don't need to stop the reaction, but it is a useful skill to build the capacity to HOLD the reaction and not let that reaction spill out in harmful behavior either to yourself or others.
I like to hold my reactions and observe them with curiosity and non-judgement. "Oh, look at that, I'm really hurt that I put in so much effort to walk to a hangout that another person did not attend. I'm lonely right now. I feel abandoned, there's an ache in my chest. I'm going to let myself feel that reaction, and get curious about the stories I want to tell myself about the situation. Am I telling myself that they didn't hang out with me because I am unworthy? Is my unworthiness something that I am committing to finding evidence to support? What else might be true here?"
As we get curious, we can better navigate the reactions so we are no longer making decisions about what we do and say FROM the reaction, but the reaction will always be there.
Great list, particularly communication and collaboration might seem secondary, but these two will get one the furthest!
Thanks Akash, I agree with you - I find the things we tend to avoid are the very things we need to face to find the success and progress we are longing for.
What can I do to stop acting so quickly and react a certain way when a girl hurts me or crosses the boundaries we set. Ex I walked 20 miles on foot to hangout and she flaked on plans however I took a chance on her. In life I know to enjoy the walk regardless of the reason.
Reactions are apart of what it means to be human. Something happens that hurts us or disappoints us, we will react because we are alive. You don't need to stop the reaction, but it is a useful skill to build the capacity to HOLD the reaction and not let that reaction spill out in harmful behavior either to yourself or others.
I like to hold my reactions and observe them with curiosity and non-judgement. "Oh, look at that, I'm really hurt that I put in so much effort to walk to a hangout that another person did not attend. I'm lonely right now. I feel abandoned, there's an ache in my chest. I'm going to let myself feel that reaction, and get curious about the stories I want to tell myself about the situation. Am I telling myself that they didn't hang out with me because I am unworthy? Is my unworthiness something that I am committing to finding evidence to support? What else might be true here?"
As we get curious, we can better navigate the reactions so we are no longer making decisions about what we do and say FROM the reaction, but the reaction will always be there.
Thank you very much your response is greatly appreciated!!:)