We have two options in life. Never make a mistake or do anything to break trust with anyone, ever. or Learn how to repair broken trust. The illusion of reaching perfection is tempting, but it’s just not realistic. Humans make mistakes. Our strength lies in our ability to notice our mistakes, own them, learn from them and repair harm that was caused.
The first option, "never make a mistake" is exhausting to keep up with. It may work for awhile, but it's not sustainable if you're trying to build a long-term relationship that lasts (personally or professionally). This topic meshes well with "the 5 apology languages" and which apology we actually want to hear: https://www.today.com/life/relationships/apology-languages-rcna49355
5 ways to say sorry:
1. Expressing regret. "I'm sorry"
2. Accepting responsibility. "I was wrong."
3. Making restitution. "How can I make it right?"
4. Planned change. "I'll take steps to prevent a recurrence."
5. Requesting forgiveness. "Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"
For me, I am hyper focused on #4. You can say sorry but one step further is giving me a plan because it shows me you've thought about the topic deeply and really don't want it to happen again. On the other hand, my partner doesn't need that, he just needs me to accept responsibility and utter the words "I was wrong" because he knows that's hard for me to do and if I do it -- it means I really am sorry.
What about you? What's your preferred way of getting an apology?
Thank you for sharing Vanessa. This is similar to what I had in mind and in my experience I was able to build trust by building understanding as you said and also different other reasons I plotted briefly here:
Perfection is not a reality, true strength lies in our ability to acknowledge mistakes and actively work on rebuilding trust.
The first option, "never make a mistake" is exhausting to keep up with. It may work for awhile, but it's not sustainable if you're trying to build a long-term relationship that lasts (personally or professionally). This topic meshes well with "the 5 apology languages" and which apology we actually want to hear: https://www.today.com/life/relationships/apology-languages-rcna49355
5 ways to say sorry:
1. Expressing regret. "I'm sorry"
2. Accepting responsibility. "I was wrong."
3. Making restitution. "How can I make it right?"
4. Planned change. "I'll take steps to prevent a recurrence."
5. Requesting forgiveness. "Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"
For me, I am hyper focused on #4. You can say sorry but one step further is giving me a plan because it shows me you've thought about the topic deeply and really don't want it to happen again. On the other hand, my partner doesn't need that, he just needs me to accept responsibility and utter the words "I was wrong" because he knows that's hard for me to do and if I do it -- it means I really am sorry.
What about you? What's your preferred way of getting an apology?
Thank you for sharing Vanessa. This is similar to what I had in mind and in my experience I was able to build trust by building understanding as you said and also different other reasons I plotted briefly here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/basmataha199/p/10-steps-to-earn-your-teams-trust?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=2tl0x2
Would love to hear your thoughts
as well :)
I'll take a read and let you know!! It's an important topic and is worth talking about - I'm glad you are writing about it.
Thank you, Vanessa!